It's hard to believe that it is almost June!!! Since I started this weight loss journey back in January I have managed to lose 10 lbs, that is all fine and good but I need it to be more!!! Or maybe I should say I want it to be more!!!
Since we got back from the weekend in Fargo, today is the first day back to the gym and it was horrible, I did not even want to go! Last week when I was sick I thought it had passed, NOT! I was sick again Monday night, so I made an appointment for Tuesday and went in. The dr thinks I have a stomach virus or bacteria, she did some blood work (yes, 5 TUBES) so we are waiting to get the results back, for now some sort of medicine to help with the acid or something and something for the nausea. Great stuff, good thing for insurance it was $158 but with insurance it was $12, just for the nausea medicine. So hopefully I will be feeling better soon. The gym was closed on Monday, Tuesday I had the dr appointment and did not feel like working out. Today I went to work at 3am, came home took a 2.5 hour nap, did not want to go to the gym but did. I did 62 minutes on the elliptical and hated every minute of it. However I should have went to Body Pump to stay on track with my new leaf workout but I skipped that. If I don't do it when I feel good, why the heck would I do it when I am not at my best!!!
My job is really stressing me out right now, and I don't feel the best, when will it all stop!
I must say that the weekend in Fargo was so fun and really relaxing. Thank you to my wonderful husband for taking me to my all time favorite place in Fargo, Johnny Carinos. Bowtie pasta, Italian Margaritas and Cheesecake, what more could you ask for? Nothing except when can we go again? Hahaha
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Back to reality!
Here I am thinking I have a half hour to get ready to go to the gym for the 2nd time today, I worked out this morning, did my new leaf workout and since this is a strength day I need to go back from 8-9 for body pump, this is the only day they don't have a class in the morning. No I am not thrilled to be going back but I figure it is one less thing to do tomorrow.
I planned out my workouts for this week and got my sticky notes ready to put on the machines so I know exactly what I need to do when I am there. Good for me, yes a laid out plan, well Wednesday I was sick so that threw the whole plan off. I need to do 3 days of strength training and we all know I can't do this on my own, so I go to body pump, my plan for this week was Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Since I couldn't go on Wednesday it is all messed up, so I will miss a day of strength unless I do something on my own Sat or Sun? Maybe!!
When I was sick it was weird it was like someone was punching me in the stomach really hard, topped with nausea. Not fun!!!
I found this quote in a magazine and I think it speaks volumes!!!! "The first weight you lose is what you carry on your shoulders" (asics shoes). This is so true for me anyway, I take things way to personally and I think that things have to be perfect or done to my expectations and I am sure that I don't know how to "really" relax.!!
What I've learned is that I CAN NOT CONTROL THINGS OR OTHER PEOPLE. When I let go, I am so much more happier. It is really not worth it to internalize things and be miserable, this is how I see the weight on my shoulders being lifted is learning to "let it all go". For me this needs to include my obsession for weight loss!!
What I don't get it that I am obsessed about going to the gym, obsessed about the number on the scale, but when it comes to food the obsession goes the other way, I am obsessed with it. Why is that? I try really hard to eat healthy, but then this little voice says "yes, you can have just a small bite, or have a little it won't hurt, you can work it off" It is so frustrating!!! I need to find a way to get rid of the "little voice"!! I know how hard I work at the gym and eating crap only makes me have to work harder, now why would I want to do that? My philosophy has always been "work smarter, not harder" I thought I did this but I know that I don't when it comes to eating then having to work it off!!!
One thing I am getting better at is when we go out to eat, I have been making better choices, I always think if I am going out to eat, I am certainly going to have what I want. This is so dumb, it is not like we don't go out often, but my mind somehow thinks "this might be the last time I go out, so why would I have something healthy.
This coming week is going to be screwed up for me with Monday being Memorial day, I work and the gym is only open until 4:00, therefore no Body Pump, my hope is to at least get some sort of cardio in when I get off work, either a walk or a bike ride!!!
I planned out my workouts for this week and got my sticky notes ready to put on the machines so I know exactly what I need to do when I am there. Good for me, yes a laid out plan, well Wednesday I was sick so that threw the whole plan off. I need to do 3 days of strength training and we all know I can't do this on my own, so I go to body pump, my plan for this week was Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Since I couldn't go on Wednesday it is all messed up, so I will miss a day of strength unless I do something on my own Sat or Sun? Maybe!!
When I was sick it was weird it was like someone was punching me in the stomach really hard, topped with nausea. Not fun!!!
I found this quote in a magazine and I think it speaks volumes!!!! "The first weight you lose is what you carry on your shoulders" (asics shoes). This is so true for me anyway, I take things way to personally and I think that things have to be perfect or done to my expectations and I am sure that I don't know how to "really" relax.!!
What I've learned is that I CAN NOT CONTROL THINGS OR OTHER PEOPLE. When I let go, I am so much more happier. It is really not worth it to internalize things and be miserable, this is how I see the weight on my shoulders being lifted is learning to "let it all go". For me this needs to include my obsession for weight loss!!
What I don't get it that I am obsessed about going to the gym, obsessed about the number on the scale, but when it comes to food the obsession goes the other way, I am obsessed with it. Why is that? I try really hard to eat healthy, but then this little voice says "yes, you can have just a small bite, or have a little it won't hurt, you can work it off" It is so frustrating!!! I need to find a way to get rid of the "little voice"!! I know how hard I work at the gym and eating crap only makes me have to work harder, now why would I want to do that? My philosophy has always been "work smarter, not harder" I thought I did this but I know that I don't when it comes to eating then having to work it off!!!
One thing I am getting better at is when we go out to eat, I have been making better choices, I always think if I am going out to eat, I am certainly going to have what I want. This is so dumb, it is not like we don't go out often, but my mind somehow thinks "this might be the last time I go out, so why would I have something healthy.
This coming week is going to be screwed up for me with Monday being Memorial day, I work and the gym is only open until 4:00, therefore no Body Pump, my hope is to at least get some sort of cardio in when I get off work, either a walk or a bike ride!!!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Long time,no posts!!
Where have I been and what have I been doing? Not sure, can't remember it has been so long since I blogged. I did workout on Saturday and on Sunday. Sunday I did some weight lifting as Pat was there to "spot" me. I am weak so that didn't last to long. Actually what I noticed and so did Pat is that my right arm seems to be weaker than my left, which is weired because I am right handed. Something to work on I guess!!
Monday I did not workout as I had my New Leaf test on Tuesday and you can't workout the day before.
Tuesday, I did the test, it was at 11:30, did I mention that you can't eat before this either!! Well you can about imagine how hungry I was when I finally got to eat, which was about 1pm. I ate everything in site and pretty much ate non-stop I think!!!! Not good, what I know is that if I get off my eating schedule and have to wait, I am out of control. I eat between 8-9 on days I work, I can't stand the sight of food at 6am. Wow, can it always be 6am, then I wouldn't eat!!!! On days when I am off I will eat when I get up.
Today- Wednesday, I went to the gym at 11:30 as I had to meet with my trainer at noon to get my results. What I learned is that I burn more calories, which are coming from fat now than I did before, and my VO2 max is 30% higher. This test also kicks out a new "workout" plan!! Great another plan! I fully intend to stay committed to this for the 12 weeks that it will take to complete it. I have it set up to workout 4 days a week and strength train 3 of them!!!! Anything more than this is a bonus. This time the workouts are staggered between 30-35-40-and 45 minutes!!! I usually do at least 50 minutes so if I keep that up I will have some "bonus" time in. My goal is to lose 20lbs, with this plan I should lose a pound a week. I am not happy about it being so little but if I keep it off I guess I will go with that!! What I need to do is decide when I should start it. If I start tomorrow it might screw me up so I might wait and start it on Monday. I will still workout just not do the plan, we will see maybe I will start it!!!
Now if the weather would start being nice again it would help!! oh an the scale moves downward I might once again fit into the 8 pair of work pants that hang so neatly in my closet!!! poor things!! Now if wearing some beautiful polyester pants is not incentive enough to lose some weight I don't know what is!!!!! hahah They are so stylin!!
Monday I did not workout as I had my New Leaf test on Tuesday and you can't workout the day before.
Tuesday, I did the test, it was at 11:30, did I mention that you can't eat before this either!! Well you can about imagine how hungry I was when I finally got to eat, which was about 1pm. I ate everything in site and pretty much ate non-stop I think!!!! Not good, what I know is that if I get off my eating schedule and have to wait, I am out of control. I eat between 8-9 on days I work, I can't stand the sight of food at 6am. Wow, can it always be 6am, then I wouldn't eat!!!! On days when I am off I will eat when I get up.
Today- Wednesday, I went to the gym at 11:30 as I had to meet with my trainer at noon to get my results. What I learned is that I burn more calories, which are coming from fat now than I did before, and my VO2 max is 30% higher. This test also kicks out a new "workout" plan!! Great another plan! I fully intend to stay committed to this for the 12 weeks that it will take to complete it. I have it set up to workout 4 days a week and strength train 3 of them!!!! Anything more than this is a bonus. This time the workouts are staggered between 30-35-40-and 45 minutes!!! I usually do at least 50 minutes so if I keep that up I will have some "bonus" time in. My goal is to lose 20lbs, with this plan I should lose a pound a week. I am not happy about it being so little but if I keep it off I guess I will go with that!! What I need to do is decide when I should start it. If I start tomorrow it might screw me up so I might wait and start it on Monday. I will still workout just not do the plan, we will see maybe I will start it!!!
Now if the weather would start being nice again it would help!! oh an the scale moves downward I might once again fit into the 8 pair of work pants that hang so neatly in my closet!!! poor things!! Now if wearing some beautiful polyester pants is not incentive enough to lose some weight I don't know what is!!!!! hahah They are so stylin!!
Friday, May 8, 2009
Pump it up!!
I got up this morning not feeling the best my head hurt and my stomach I did however go to the gym. I did 12 minutes on the elliptical and then did the body pump class!! Since I haven't been to the class in what seems like forever it seemed really hard!! I was hesitant about going cuz I didn't feel the best but glad I did!! Still not feeling the best, do you think it could be to many vegetables? hahaha
Thursday, May 7, 2009
I amazed myself!!!
Hi there, I am back, yes I have been busy and my business has not included much gym time. No, not much happy hour time either, haha. Last weekend we made a quick trip to Fargo so therefore no gym Saturday or Sunday, I did work Saturday, got off at 3 and left about 6:15 for Fargo.
Monday I did go to the gym and did 45 minutes on the elliptical, Tuesday of course I didn't go to the gym, far to lazy and had to be home to watch BL at night!!! Wednesday I did 16 hours at work, gotta get that overtime when you can!!!
Thursday-today, I was super tired when I got home, those 16 hours yesterday killed me!! I watched my 2 hours of Y&R and took a little nap then headed to the gym at 6:45. I did 5 miles on the treadmill in 55 minutes- RUNNING!!! I ran the whole thing with the exception of 3 times , once I had to re-tie my shoes, once to fix my I-pod and once to walk for 2 minutes as I thought I was going to throw up!!! I know GROSS!! I ran most of it at 5.8 then would increase to 6 and 6.5!!! It felt really good, with the exception of the 2 minutes I thought I was going to be sick, not sure what that was all about!!
Who catches up with me tonight at the gym, STACEY, my trainer!! Who would have thought she would be there at night, certainly not me, good thing I was having a good workout!! She has been wanting me to retest on on the New Leaf for awhile now so....... tonight I set up the appointment for next Tuesday at 11:30. I can't exercise the day before or eat before the test, guess I will just sleep in, that shouldn't be a problem for me!!!!! Love it!!
Oh, I must tell you that I actually lifted a few weights on Monday and tonight, don't start cheering yet, it is a small step.
However, I have been thinking alot about my sister-in law, Mona, she has stage 2 Hodgkin's Lymphoma, she is doing chemo and has started to lose her hair, actually she just had Sheryl save her head for her when she was up in Minot for work on Tuesday. With her in mind I have decided that since she did not choose to get cancer, but has to deal with it. I am not going to choose to lift weights, I am just going to do it!!! Yes, I know she has a much bigger hill to climb to fight the cancer, my point is that sometimes you just have to do things you don't want to or don't like!!!!
Monday I did go to the gym and did 45 minutes on the elliptical, Tuesday of course I didn't go to the gym, far to lazy and had to be home to watch BL at night!!! Wednesday I did 16 hours at work, gotta get that overtime when you can!!!
Thursday-today, I was super tired when I got home, those 16 hours yesterday killed me!! I watched my 2 hours of Y&R and took a little nap then headed to the gym at 6:45. I did 5 miles on the treadmill in 55 minutes- RUNNING!!! I ran the whole thing with the exception of 3 times , once I had to re-tie my shoes, once to fix my I-pod and once to walk for 2 minutes as I thought I was going to throw up!!! I know GROSS!! I ran most of it at 5.8 then would increase to 6 and 6.5!!! It felt really good, with the exception of the 2 minutes I thought I was going to be sick, not sure what that was all about!!
Who catches up with me tonight at the gym, STACEY, my trainer!! Who would have thought she would be there at night, certainly not me, good thing I was having a good workout!! She has been wanting me to retest on on the New Leaf for awhile now so....... tonight I set up the appointment for next Tuesday at 11:30. I can't exercise the day before or eat before the test, guess I will just sleep in, that shouldn't be a problem for me!!!!! Love it!!
Oh, I must tell you that I actually lifted a few weights on Monday and tonight, don't start cheering yet, it is a small step.
However, I have been thinking alot about my sister-in law, Mona, she has stage 2 Hodgkin's Lymphoma, she is doing chemo and has started to lose her hair, actually she just had Sheryl save her head for her when she was up in Minot for work on Tuesday. With her in mind I have decided that since she did not choose to get cancer, but has to deal with it. I am not going to choose to lift weights, I am just going to do it!!! Yes, I know she has a much bigger hill to climb to fight the cancer, my point is that sometimes you just have to do things you don't want to or don't like!!!!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
GROSS!!
Just wanted to let you know that I just tried eating Tilapia, that will NEVER happen again!! It tasted like dirty feet!!! No I do not eat dirty feet but I have to think they would be better than Tilapia. I will make peace with my weight as long as I don't have to eat that again!!!! ICK. Just one more "great" thing to add to this day!!!
Wow, it's been a long time!!
As I said in my last blog I wanted to go to the gym on Friday before we left for ND, well that did not happen!!!
Our trip to ND was fast but fun. There was no exercising on this trip but there was some "eating" that wasn't the best!! I had some pizza, chex mix, cake and beer!!! I did eat healthy food as well. I am happy to say that I did not gain any weight over the weekend!!!!
Monday- look out, not good!!! I had training on Mental Health Awareness in the morning and 1st aide in the afternoon. Lunch was great, we went to Applebee's and I had a grilled chicken sandwich, plain of course and only ate half the bun. I got back to training and a couple of the girls wanted to go to Happy Hour. I of course tried to get out of it, I was doing good so I wanted to stay on track, but they make me feel so guilty, one works 3-11 so I hardly see her now and the other one I only see 3 days a week, so it doesn't happen very often when we are all together. I give in and go, with $8.00. Enough for two beers (bottles of course for this high class drinker) then home. NOT!! My husband was nice enough to drop off $20.00 for me so instead of getting home around 5:30 5 beers and one shot later I get home about 8:30!!! I had a bite or so of my friends buffalo chicken wrap then when I got home I had a sandwich. Are you seeing a pattern here!! Beer and real food, none of this is on my food plan!!!! It was fun so I guess I will "take ownership" for all those calories I consumed. The scale is so paying me back for this!!!
Tuesday, it was beautiful out, I wanted to go for a walk, but my energy level was at a big fat 0!!! Therefore once again no exercise for me.
Today, started out as an ok day, not much going on at work. About 12:30 they drop one off from downtown. My goodness she is a peach!!!! She had a wonderful attitude and was a very "smart" one I might add. I put her in our holding tank and when I turn around to close the door I notice the toilet is full of toilet paper, now the smart human would know that the toilet is plugged without having to go inspect it. I have to go open another door and let the deputies out. I come back and of course the inmate has to use the toilet, she must have attempted to use it before she told me that it wouldn't flush!!! Are you kidding me!!! I have to call the engineers to come and fix it. In the mean time I am nice enough to ask this "fine inmate" if she would like to use the bathroom in the other cell. Hold on for this one, she asks why she can't use the plugged one!!!! Are you kidding me, I looked at her and I said "what the f@@c do you think" and slammed the door. The toilet gets fixed and my temper gets hotter and hotter, you see I am so sick of working with stupid people and this time I am talking about my co-workers, do you not know that the toilet is plugged and should be fixed!!!!!!! It was plugged on Monday apparently, Might I remind you today is Wednesday, but no one called anyone. I am so mad I send them an e-mail telling them that a toilet full of crap is an good indication that it is plugged and needs to be fixed. I also told them I am tired of having to deal with things they don't' do!!!!!! Oh my goodness I got back some Nasty e-mails!!!! They basically said that they didn't know my job was so hard and that I needed to quit pointing fingers at them and suck it up and deal with it!!!! Game on assholes, tomorrow is going to be rough. I am not one to hide behind an e-mail I will tell you to your face you are a lazy piece of shit!!! I am planning what days to ask for off when I get suspended. You see at our job when you get time off without pay, they are dumb enough to let you pick your days!!! How about the 3rd and 4th of July!!!! I am sure it won't come to that but just in case!! I might just have to have some beer when I get home tomorrow!!!!
The whole point to telling that story was that I was so pissed that they are so stupid and basically attacked me for saying what I thought that I went to the gym and did 4.60 miles in 50 minutes!!!! See what frustration does for me!!!! Maybe I should go to the gym before work so that I can be "oh so calm" when I talk to them. The worst part about the whole thing is that I have been there 5.5years and the ones e-mailing me have been there about 2 years!!! Who do you think knows how the job is suppose to be done!!!!! Not to talk myself up but I was one of the first officers to work in the women's unit and as of now I am the only remaining officer from day one!!! Sorry kids think I know what is going on!!!! Little secret, I TRAINED YOU ALL-DUMBASSES!!!!!!
Maybe it is my fault, I don't think I ever showed them what a plugged toliet looks like, I did however show them how to clean the "trap". GROSS!!!!!!! One would have thought that would have been close enough!!
Our trip to ND was fast but fun. There was no exercising on this trip but there was some "eating" that wasn't the best!! I had some pizza, chex mix, cake and beer!!! I did eat healthy food as well. I am happy to say that I did not gain any weight over the weekend!!!!
Monday- look out, not good!!! I had training on Mental Health Awareness in the morning and 1st aide in the afternoon. Lunch was great, we went to Applebee's and I had a grilled chicken sandwich, plain of course and only ate half the bun. I got back to training and a couple of the girls wanted to go to Happy Hour. I of course tried to get out of it, I was doing good so I wanted to stay on track, but they make me feel so guilty, one works 3-11 so I hardly see her now and the other one I only see 3 days a week, so it doesn't happen very often when we are all together. I give in and go, with $8.00. Enough for two beers (bottles of course for this high class drinker) then home. NOT!! My husband was nice enough to drop off $20.00 for me so instead of getting home around 5:30 5 beers and one shot later I get home about 8:30!!! I had a bite or so of my friends buffalo chicken wrap then when I got home I had a sandwich. Are you seeing a pattern here!! Beer and real food, none of this is on my food plan!!!! It was fun so I guess I will "take ownership" for all those calories I consumed. The scale is so paying me back for this!!!
Tuesday, it was beautiful out, I wanted to go for a walk, but my energy level was at a big fat 0!!! Therefore once again no exercise for me.
Today, started out as an ok day, not much going on at work. About 12:30 they drop one off from downtown. My goodness she is a peach!!!! She had a wonderful attitude and was a very "smart" one I might add. I put her in our holding tank and when I turn around to close the door I notice the toilet is full of toilet paper, now the smart human would know that the toilet is plugged without having to go inspect it. I have to go open another door and let the deputies out. I come back and of course the inmate has to use the toilet, she must have attempted to use it before she told me that it wouldn't flush!!! Are you kidding me!!! I have to call the engineers to come and fix it. In the mean time I am nice enough to ask this "fine inmate" if she would like to use the bathroom in the other cell. Hold on for this one, she asks why she can't use the plugged one!!!! Are you kidding me, I looked at her and I said "what the f@@c do you think" and slammed the door. The toilet gets fixed and my temper gets hotter and hotter, you see I am so sick of working with stupid people and this time I am talking about my co-workers, do you not know that the toilet is plugged and should be fixed!!!!!!! It was plugged on Monday apparently, Might I remind you today is Wednesday, but no one called anyone. I am so mad I send them an e-mail telling them that a toilet full of crap is an good indication that it is plugged and needs to be fixed. I also told them I am tired of having to deal with things they don't' do!!!!!! Oh my goodness I got back some Nasty e-mails!!!! They basically said that they didn't know my job was so hard and that I needed to quit pointing fingers at them and suck it up and deal with it!!!! Game on assholes, tomorrow is going to be rough. I am not one to hide behind an e-mail I will tell you to your face you are a lazy piece of shit!!! I am planning what days to ask for off when I get suspended. You see at our job when you get time off without pay, they are dumb enough to let you pick your days!!! How about the 3rd and 4th of July!!!! I am sure it won't come to that but just in case!! I might just have to have some beer when I get home tomorrow!!!!
The whole point to telling that story was that I was so pissed that they are so stupid and basically attacked me for saying what I thought that I went to the gym and did 4.60 miles in 50 minutes!!!! See what frustration does for me!!!! Maybe I should go to the gym before work so that I can be "oh so calm" when I talk to them. The worst part about the whole thing is that I have been there 5.5years and the ones e-mailing me have been there about 2 years!!! Who do you think knows how the job is suppose to be done!!!!! Not to talk myself up but I was one of the first officers to work in the women's unit and as of now I am the only remaining officer from day one!!! Sorry kids think I know what is going on!!!! Little secret, I TRAINED YOU ALL-DUMBASSES!!!!!!
Maybe it is my fault, I don't think I ever showed them what a plugged toliet looks like, I did however show them how to clean the "trap". GROSS!!!!!!! One would have thought that would have been close enough!!
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