The sick day

I did call in sick today like I was pretty sure I would, however because I was so frustrated with yesterday I did have a beer last night. Ok I had 4 beers, the 16oz ones so really that is like having 6. Not a GOOD CHOICE!! So much for the mental health sick day I thought I was taking, I actually was sick. I have had a headache and stomach-ache most of the day. It is my own fault. Did it make me feel better, not so much. Lesson learned- stop at one or two!! (I love beer, just not how it makes you feel when you have had to many). Now don't think I didn't' eat along with having the beers. I tried to get my husband to take me to Taco Bell or McDonald's but he didn't. That was ok I found many other things to eat. I had pretzels, crackers with cheese, chips, at one point my husband said "are you about done eating". I said "nope, I will finish off this crappy day with peanut butter toast and a glass of milk". So I did. For some reason when I have beer when I am done I crave peanut butter toast and milk. WEIRD. I had a crappy eating day today as well, my stomach hurt but I had to sample different things to find out if it was what I wanted or not. Enough of my self loathing I am ready for tomorrow and will put these 2 bad days behind me. On a positive note for today I have consumed a lot of water and I did Shred this morning.

Seeking Advice

Yesterday was my first day doing level 3 of Shred. I must say it is challenging!!!

Today was my day to weigh in, I stepped on the scale and to my disbelief I GAINED 2 POUNDS. SERIOUSLY I knew that I had a few beers,pasta and pizza but to gain 2 pounds was devastating. I honestly do not know what to do. I have done the Shred DVD everyday this month except for 3. I am committed to doing it, when will I see the results? Hell I even did it when the chiropractor told me not to. I am following WW without going to the meetings, tracking what I am eating. I know where one down fall is and that is drinking water. I need to make myself drink more. Not just at night right before bed either.

Today was a HORRIBLE day at work, I was telling my co-worker I really need a beer later today. Her comment to me was " how can you work so hard at the gym, do this DVD you talk about, watch what you eat and then say you want a beer". My comment back was " I have worked my ass off doing that DVD, watching what I'm eating and the results are the same as when I started so why shouldn't I have the beer?" I am sure other people have been in my place before so please hand out those little pieces of advice that I either haven't heard before or the ones that appear to be so simple I must be missing them.

I know this will probably sound awful to some of you but I am 95% sure that I will call in sick to work tomorrow. I just need a mental health day. This is only one example in my crappy day today and speaks volumes as to why I need a break. I am a correctional officer, I am the one who books people into our jail (actually we are a workhouse so people are not brought in off the street they have already went to court and were given a date to turn themselves in to us). I booked this lady who was in her 50's in on a DUI. I ask her if she needs a padlock to lock her court papers up in the dorm she will be staying in. She said "what did you say" I repeated myself, again she said "what did you say", "I don't know what your asking me". I said " this is a padlock, do you know what they are used for", "yes" she says with an attitude, I say " would you like one to lock your papers up with" again she says " what do you want me to do with it". I say " never mind you don't need a padlock". I then proceed to take her into the dorm she will be staying in. I say you are in bunk 1201 top bunk, 1st section, right in the front. She wonders to the back of the dorm. I again tell her where her bunk is, she looks at the numbers but can't seem to find number 1. Which she was standing right in front of. At this time my co-worker could see my distress and took over helping her. The rest of the day was very much the same!
When I got home I was in no mood to do the DVD, I was like "screw it" "why do it"? I had a bite to eat, tried to take a nap, guilt overtook my mind about not doing the DVD, so I got up and DID THE DVD!!!!

Tuesday= level 3

I was side-line for a day, I did not do the Shred DVD on Thursday. I was suppose to take 2 days off from the gym, so I did I just didn't take 2 days off from Shred, only 1, I am not a good listener when it comes to stuff like that!!! I went back to the chiropractor today and had another adjustment and some more acupuncture. I wouldn't mind the knot in my neck but it causes a bad headache, that's the part that kicks my butt. Tomorrow is the big day to switch to level 3. Wednesday will be my weigh in day once again. My husband hid the scale again this week, I did not ask him to do this. I am nervous for Wednesday because I had beer, pasta and pizza this weekend. If I don't lose it will be my own fault. However I feel like I am toning up, so if I don't lose this week at least I have that going in my favor. I have 2 more trips to the chiropractor this week!! I did 3 miles on the elliptical and the gym tonight and biked for 30 minutes yesterday. I am back in the game!!!!

Side-lined

Last night after I blogged I did the Shred DVD. I was still feeling guilty about eating crap and to much of it so I took my butt to the gym. I did a little over 4 miles in 45 minutes on the treadmill. Half way through the workout, I pulled something in my neck. How do you pull something in your neck while on a treadmill? I don't know, but something happened. After I showered I put some Icy-Hot on it. Not a good choice, I must have had some sort of reaction to that because both sides of my neck were red. Not a good look. I went to bed. I wanted so bad to call in sick this morning but I didn't. I went to work hoping that they had an extra person on so I could go home. Not only did they not have an extra person there were only 2 female officers in the building. This is the answer I got when I said I wanted to go home if I could. Not going to happen today, and by the way I need you to do this, this and this and help out with this!!!!! Really!!!! Did you not hear what I said to you!!! I stayed and made an appointment with the chiropractor for 3:30. When I got there his question to me was " how in the world do you move your head" My reply, not well I have a horrible headache. He said "no kidding". Something in my neck was way out of whack, he adjusted it, did some acupuncture and sent me on my way. Come back early next week. Saturday if it is like today. NO gym for 2 days, it is very inflamed. He did say gym so I was going to do the DVD. My husband said not to and I should listen and don't over do it. I will take tonight off from both the gym and DVD. I Will do the DVD tomorrow. When it is better maybe I will even have a make-up day!!

Results are in

I told my husband on Monday night not to forget to put the scale back in the bathroom Tuesday when he went to bed, I NEED it for Wednesday morning. He put it back Tuesday night!! I did my measurements last night day 14 of the Shred, go figure but at least now I have something to work off of for the next two weeks.

This morning it was raining, dark and cold when I got up at 6:05, today was the big day, I got to weigh myself. The results................ I was up .6 of a pound. I honestly was MORTIFIED, I could feel tears about to come running down my face! How the hell can this be? I did the DVD everyday except last Friday, I advanced myself to level 2 after 10 days, I continued to go to the gym, I watched what I ate, I journaled my food except for two days, what gives????? The first week I didn't lose at all. So your telling me that I have been doing all of this for 2 weeks and have not seen a loss? YEP, that is what the scale says. Here is where I get myself into trouble, I ask myself " Why do you try so hard"? When I eat chips and crap and workout I stay the same as well, so why all the work to journal, try to eat better and do different exercises, what sense does it make?
The last two days at work were crap, how can anyone remain calm and collected when surrounded by idiots, I don't think it is possible.

When I came home today I needed to eat my one and only meal for the day was at 10:30 I had a ham&cheese sandwich on a deli flat, some chips, a rice krispie bar and 2 cookies. After two bites of the sandwich I didn't want it, the chips tasted like crap, I really didn't care for the cookies. Guess what, I ate them! Why? I am not sure, so I could feel like crap before doing Shred today is the only thing I can come up with, or could it be because this is a habit!!!!

This is what I am taking from this crap day!! I have my measurements so hopefully the next two weeks will be kinder to me, I feel like crap physically and mentally for eating all that stuff, lesson learned, my habit needs to be broken, the food did not make me feel better, only worse!!! Finally, there will always be idiots in the world, I just need to find away to RUN AWAY from them instead of letting myself be surrounded by them.
The week can only get better correct!

Level 2

I started level two of the Shred on Saturday, boy is that a challenge! Even though I do go to the gym on a weekly basis this seems so much harder. I am sure for me it is because when I go to the gym I tend to do the same things over and over. This is definitely shaking up the routine!! I missed doing the shred on Friday, I did not get up at 5:30, I am ok with that. I have only missed doing it twice so far. This is the longest I have stayed committed to a challenge!! That in itself is a reward. The scale is MIA until Wednesday morning. It is tough for me. My food for the weekend and today has been pretty good except for a little pizza and cheese bread last night. I had no beer in the house so that is a plus or I am sure I would have had a couple!! I hope to get my measurements tomorrow. I really wish I would have done them on day one, oh well I will shoot for the 15th for sure, at least that is a half way point!!! I need to work harder at journaling my food, i was very good in the beginning but have missed a few days. I am still confused with should I go with the weight watchers points I am allowed or should I go for the calories I am allowed. Points seems to be the easier route. I must say I have really tried hard to eat more veggies and drink water.

I think I have come up with a solution for my breakfast. I have never really been a coffee drinker but I seem to like the cold coffee's and the frappe's. (Caramel High Rise from Caribou, all time favorite). So this is what I have been doing for breakfast. I bought some Atkins protein shakes, they have a mint chocolate latte, I think that is what it is, I take that and mix it with a little coffee and add ice. I put it together at work at 7am and it lasts me until 10 or 10:30. Perfect timing for my break. If I am still on the hungry side I also have Kashi, Cinnamon Harvest cereal with me, (the little bales like shredded wheat) 28 is a serving. I don't put milk on them I just eat them dry!! I eat my lunch meal at 10:30, weird but that is how my work is set up for this year. Then at 1:30 or 2:00 I have raw veggies and Lite 3 cheese ranch dressing. NOT HIDDEN VALLEY RANCH, GROSS, YUCK ICK!!! This is made by kraft. I put 2 tablespoons (1 serving) in my fancy new container and lots of veggies, I just need a hint of dip on the veggies, not globs so I have had dressing left over. This seems to be working. I started doing it last Thursday!! Hoping for a great day tomorrow.
It is amazing to me how good I feel when I don't eat a bunch of crap, I actually feel better, who knew!!!

Hide and Seek at 6am!!

Last night I was talking with my husband about not losing any weight this week even after doing the 30 day Shred for 7 out of the 8 days. I said that I HAD wanted to weigh on Wednesday morning then have him hide the scale from me so that I could only weigh once a week. Since I did not have a loss on Wednesday for the week I decided that to hide the scale would not be a good idea, I certainly do not want to go up this week. I got up this morning and something was missing, the SCALE!! I said " it was a thought"!! Honestly I was horrified I couldn't even function for a few minutes. Thoughts were racing through my head, "do I wake him up and ask what the hell he did with it", "do I go looking for it myself" "What am I going to do". Not much I could do, I sucked it up and got ready for work. It will be ONE REALLY LONG WEEK FOR ME!! Honestly I don't know what the big deal is for me to weigh myself, the scale seemed to go up little by little and I didn't didn't do much to stop it. I think in my mind I feel I can eat things that I "know" I shouldn't be having because I go to the gym and will work it off. Obviously there have been more than a few times I have consumed more calories than I have worked off.

I did the 30 Day Shred when I came home from work today, I had planned on going to the gym, but I just couldn't motivate myself to go. What else did I have to do? NOTHING. I was really tired so I did take a half hour nap. I had a good day eating, except for the few animal crackers I had with some peanut butter. I need to find a healthy peanut butter ( I have Jiff, not so healthy) that tastes good or just get rid of what I have. I will work on that.

I have another 16 hour shift tomorrow, so I will try and get up at 5:30 to do the Shred, or I will take the day off. I really don't want to take another day off, but 16 hours makes for a VERY LONG DAY!! Working with inmates for 16 hours is very mentally draining. Ever worked with people who ask the same question 20 times a day, feel they are entitled to everything, do not know the meaning of the word "NO", and when they do hear it say "I am going to call my lawyer" and take absolutely no responsibility for their actions? Welcome to my work day.

My hope for the weekend is to get my measurements taken and posted, better late than never, and change my picture on my blog, it is 2yrs old!!

My Weigh in Day!!!

What kind of party should this be? Celebration, Pity,or Reality the list could go on and on. I wanted Celebration, as you can tell I said wanted, it didn't happen this week. My weight stayed the same, exactly the same as on Sept 1st!!! Should I have a pity party then? No, I did achieve success in the fact that I did the Shred DVD 7 out of the 8 days and I tracked all my food and I didn't GAIN! I guess it will have to be a Reality party, the facts are right there in black and white, you don't lose weight just because you want to, it doesn't happen even if you want it really bad. I have to believe that if I keep doing what I am doing that it will start to come off. I had a good day eating today for the most part. I ate breakfast, had a veggie burger and veggies for lunch, banana with PB for snack. I did the DVD then hit the gym. Problem???? Yep, did the DVD and went to the gym without eating. Reality, I ate way more than what I should have when I got home, I was hungry. I had measured out a cup of brown rice, which was mixed with left over turkey, veggies and 98% fat free cream of celery soup, no milk added, with a touch of spicy salsa. One cup lead to two and a piece of bread, some chips and a skinny cow ice-cream. I have no excuse to be hungry later!!!!!
Moving on, Why do I feel more hungry in the mornings when I eat breakfast? I am not a breakfast person, I have been trying to eat something because they say breakfast is good for you and it fills you up so you won't overeat later because you are so hungry. I think this has the opposite affect on me!!!! Today I had half an egg beater, (1egg) on a deli flat with laughing cow cheese. I cook the egg at night then just heat it up while the deli flat is toasting, spread that with the laughing cow cheese and there you have it a breakfast sandwich!! I GAGGED it down, 6:35 is way to early for me to eat!!! I also took a smoothie with me and didn't even finish that in 8hours!!!! Before when I didn't eat I wasn't even hungry until 9 or 9:30. Should I quit eating breakfast? I get my first break at work at 10:30 my second one comes anywhere from 1:30-2:30 or not at all. I try to have something in my work area that I can "sneak or grab easily" since technically we aren't suppose to eat at our work areas. I did make the egg beater(= 2 eggs this time and not one) again for tomorrow morning but I added some green&red peppers, spinach and turkey, maybe this will be more filling. "If at first you don't succeed, try and try again"

Day 7 one week!!!

I have Shredded for 6 days now!!!! I missed one due to working 16 hours on Friday. I will weigh tomorrow morning and post my LOSS , (crossing the fingers) tomorrow night!! I probably should have posted them today as it has been one week. But since I started on a Wednesday that seems more like the week to me. Weird but that is how my mind grasps this!!! Today I had a good eating day!!! I even went to Applebee's for the first day of school supper, (Gym Girl also came to supper) and had the Asiago Steak on their 550 or is it 530 calorie menu. I know that it had a point value of 7, which I calculated by using their web site. I did have two mozzarella sticks. I got off work at 3 and was doing the Shred by 3:20!!! I knew I wouldn't do it when I got home from supper. It was cold, windy and really icky here today. That kind of weather is not a motivator for me to workout. I thought about going to the gym after we got back, but that is all it was, a THOUGHT!!!

Shredding for for the weekend!!

This is how the weekend played out. Friday I did not blog, I had the 16 hour shift at work. Like I expressed before, the eating and the exercise scared me. I did not get up at 530 and do the " Shred" one day missed. However I did walk at work for 20 minutes. Eating at work. This is so hard for me. I work at a jail so when we are on our break we can get called to respond to situations at anytime. This is what makes bringing your own food hard. If you get called you have to leave it unattended!! Now who wants to come back and even think about eating it when you have no idea who has been in the staff dining room. It is off limits to inmates unless accompanied by an officer, but let us remember following rules is not their strong suit. So on Friday I had packed my own lunch but due to time and back up with breaks I ate mashed potatoes with chicken gravy at 10:00am and at 2pm. I had a ice-cream scoop eat time. I had a smoothie from McDonald's for breakfast. Good up until later with the calories. (at least I think). Then on to the 3-11 shift my wonderful co-workers are full of surprises!! One brought me a LG White Chocolate Frappe thing from Starbucks and the other brought me a Greek Chicken Sandwich from Dino's. I had no idea they were bringing this stuff so how do you say "no thank-you, I have a veggie burger in the freezer". Both things were wonderful. At 9 I was starving, I am not even kidding you. I had some dried apples and a Slim Fast bar, at 11:30 when I got home I had a piece of homemade pizza. Friday was a rough day

On to Saturday. I tend to feel guilty and then try to over compensate. I got up and went to the gym and did 35 minutes on the elliptical and then came home and did the Shred. I had a deli-flat with PB&J before working out. The PB&J was so minimal I could hardly see it. Only for the taste. I have been craving Peanut butter horribly lately. Then for lunch a veggie burger on a deli-flat. Supper was a lettuce &spinach salad with other veggies mixed in with Lite 3 Cheese Ranch dressing. I do not like lettuce!!!!! I forced myself to eat it. I also had some watermelon!!! Part of the guilt from the day before must have been kicking in. I had a few pretzel M&M's just the little bag you get from the checkout stand. I shared with my step-daughter so I did not eat the whole pack. What happened at 11:00pm. I was starving. So I had a deli-flat with minimal PB&J again. Good choice, probably not but I am not going to bed starving. I hate that feeling. I am sure you are thinking were you really starving or just thought you were. No my stomach was literally growling!! What gives?
Sunday, got up had a couple of bites of yogurt, hit the gym for 35 minutes on the treadmill, came home and did the Shred. I cleaned both my bathrooms before taking a shower. By this time I am hungry, very hungry. I tell my husband if I don't eat I am going to be sick, that was the honest truth. He asked what I wanted and I said a cheeseburger and fries from Culver's or a Meat and Potatoe burrito from Taco Johns!!!!! Did I really tell him this? Yes, I did. By the time I got out of the shower and ready for the day he was back with our meal, Culver's. It wasn't until after I ate it I looked at the points. Well for both burger and fries it was 15pts I think!! I get 22 for the day!!! Supper was turkey breast that we cooked and 2 grands biscuits and a scoop of potatoes. I had watermelon and some crackers with a ww Peppercorn cheese wedge later. Way over on points. However I was not hungry at 11:00when I went to bed.

Today, Monday. I got up early, had a stomach-ache. I did Shred then went to the gym and did 65 minutes on the elliptical. Before I went I had two bites of yogurt and a bite of this banana oatmeal bar that I made last night. WW recipe, I forgot I made it before and it is gross. I will chop it up and put it in yogurt to use it up as not to waste it. I came home and had a chicken salad sandwich made with Greek yogurt and wing sauce. Red peppers on top all on a Arnold's Sandwich thin. I had warmed up some chicken tortilla soup but only had two bites I wasn't that hungry. I did have some watermelon. About 3:30 I had some chicken salad on Flips. Not a good choice. Flips are not point friendly but we didn't have any Wheat thins. Supper was suppose to be Roast Beef, however I forgot to put it in the crock pot!!! OOPS!! We will have left over turkey!!!

Here is the pattern for the weekend. I do not like to eat when I get up, so I have a few bites of something. Then I workout and have to shower before I can eat. By this time I am super hungry and I want to eat whatever is closet. NOT Good!! I need to teach myself to eat little things on the go if I have to!!! The good thing about all of this is that I weighed myself today at I am at the same weight as Friday. So after a crappy weekend, I am still the same!!! I tend to weigh everyday, not healthy. My goal is to weigh everyday until Wed which will be a week since I started Shred. I am then going to have my husband literally hide the scale!!!!!!!

Day 2- Ending with a question

Day Two of the Shred is complete!! Along with the Shred I did 30 minutes on the treadmill at the gym. I wanted to run, but recently I have had these weird dizzy spells or feeling of being off balanced. The dr can't seem to find anything wrong but let me tell you something is off. I couldn't run because of this. Who knows what is up with that, at least I walked, I was at a 12 incline and a 4.2 speed, I had to hang on for all of it because of the balance. The main goal was to get it done and I did.

My food was pretty on track. I am trying to count calories and use ww points. It appears I use all my points before I use all my calories. This is just plain confusing for me. I will track it for a few more days and see if it continues to be the same.
Last night I went to bed and I was fine, I tossed and turned for a few hours and then all of a sudden I was starving. What is up with that? I wanted so bad to get up and eat something but the thought of having to get up and walk down a flight of stairs must have deterred me!! I must confess I am having a Dt Dew. It was either have a pop or the munchies. Why, for me it is a habit to snack on something most of the night. A little here a little there. This was a better alternative.

Tomorrow scares the crap out of me. I have to work 16 hours 7am-11pm. I really want to do the Shred before going to work, but since I am a creature of habit I will probably set the alarm and not get up. I know how can you commit to something then do that? If I don't get up I will walk on my breaks at work, I will get 4 half hours so I should be able to get some walking in, provided there is a place to do it. For those of you that don't know me I work at a jail, so if it is nice the inmates will rec outside, then I can use the gym, if it is crappy out, I will have to figure something else out. The food thing scares me for tomorrow as well. I have planned out what I will take for the whole day. However sometimes this job is so boring, boring gets the best of me and I find some crap to eat. You see we also have access to a kitchen and coolers of food 24-7 when we are there. They make a lot of cookies and sweets and BREAD!! I love bread!!

I want to control this. I will have to avoid the dining room at all costs after 6, if my co-workers are in there I will have to pull them out and go talk somewhere else. They will love me. hahha

I will end this with a question? Why is it that we work our butts off at the gym because we know it is good for us? But when we eat we tend to eat crap and make bad choices when it comes to food? Our bodies are machines, would we put oil in a gas tank? No, Would we put gas in a diesel engine? No, We know they won't run or if they do it won't be for long. So why do we put crap in our bodies? They are machines and just like cars they don't run on the wrong fuel!!!!

Day 1

I think I just might make it through this day!!! I stayed on track with eating and journaled my food. After work I did the Shred DVD then hit the gym for 65 minutes on the elliptical!! I haven't found the instructions for my heart rate monitor yet so I am not sure how many calories I burnt doing the DVD. I did get my heart rate up!!! I have had 36oz of water so far!! I have NOT had a Dt Mt Dew today!!!!! I am hoping to get my pictures and measurements posted my the weekend for sure!!!!!