New outlook

I haven't been blogging lately because I feel like I am failing big time.  I still exercise and try to eat healthy but I fail with eating.  My downfall is always when I get off work.  I eat good while I am at work, but when I get home it all goes out the window.  It is a matter of two things, the first one being I know I don't eat enough while at work so when I get home I am starving and I gorge myself and two, I can do this because no one is home to see me do this.  I do this to myself, I know this.  After my hour or so of non-stop eating I feel guilty and will go to the gym or go for a run.  I am acknowledging this behavior and I know it needs to stop. 

I have been having some really good runs outside, might I remind you I am not a runner nor did I ever run outside until this spring.  I am liking it.  It really is easier on my body than the treadmill.

I had a realization at work today, I am a correctional officer and had to respond to a fight.  I ran to the location with no problems but getting a good grip on the inmate was a different story.  He was already on the floor so we just had to cuff him, stand him up and walk him to another unit.  It felt like it took so much more effort for me to help get control of him, getting on the floor, getting back up all of it.  It felt that way because I need to lose some weight!!!!!!   On the upside of this is that myself and another female officer handled the the inmate on the walk down to the other unit.  Believe me this is pretty big when you have 10 males that usually take control.   We did it and we were awesome at it.   I just want it to be a little easier for me next time.  I can make that happen!!  That is the choice that I will make.

I know that planning is a huge thing for me, I just need to do it 7 days a week instead of 3 or 4 or 5!!   I am getting a new fridge on Friday, this is big, my old one froze the veggies and fruit if they got to far to the back no matter how many times I tried to adjust the temp.  This one is also bigger.  I can have my OWN shelves with all MY fancy containers where I can get to them easily!!!!!

One site I will leave you with and encourage you to check out is dashingdish.com.  There is a recipes for a bunch of flavorful smoothies made with COTTAGE CHEESE!!  Yes, that is correct, don't knock it until you try it.  I have even tricked two co-workers with these babies!!!  You will love them I promise.  Check it out and let me know what you think!!!!

I am ready to put my best foot forward and make some changes!!!  I am in control of my choices, me, myself and I can do this!

What is up with Blogger

I have been trying to leave comments on other's blogs and it is not working. It is very frustrating. Anyone else having the same problem?

Mind over Matter

Is it really Mind over Matter when you are trying to push yourself just a little more during your workout or when you are trying to make very wise food choices for the day? I hear people say this all the time. When will I "get it" and it will " matter to mind" that I have made good choices for the day? Right now I'm not on the same brain wave length.
Last night I dusted off my 90 day journal and wrote down what I was taking with me to work today. I put a little sticker on the June 1st page that says "watch this" what this means for me is watch me right down my food consumption each day, good choices and bad, watch me write down my exercise and calories burned, watch me mark off the water glasses at the bottom of the page and most of all watch me transform myself!!!!!!! I left my 90 day journal open and on the floor where I can't miss it. Failure to fill in my information will lead to blank pages staring back at me!!

I know the rest of this week will be a challenge for me. I work a double shift tomorrow 7am-11pm and will be out of town for the weekend. That means no workouts and probably not the best food choices and some beer consumption. This is not an excuse for me it is reality. I am off work on Monday so that means I will be back in action. I will get a workout in, I will get to the grocery store and get some " quality" food and then make some meals to take to work for the rest of the week. Now that we have sunshine, let summer begin!!!!!!

Being healthy inside and out

I have had 6 days in a row of awesome workouts burning at least 1000 calories per workout. I have had 3 days of pretty good eating. Those would be the 3 days that I wrote everything down that went into my mouth. Even if it was those 3 pieces of candy I ate. Then Monday came and I stopped writing my food down. Why? I am not sure. I have a lot going on right now and I am handling it the best I can, but I still feel overwhelmed. I think that is why I have had really good workouts, it makes me feel like I can just let everything go for the time and focus on myself and my workout. When it comes to eating it is the opposite. I am an emotional eater but a weird one at that. Sometimes I can eat and eat and not want to quit and other days I don't want anything. What I have learned from the past is that "things will be what they will be" If my advice is not taken so be it, then I can't be the one responsible and can only be there to help pick up the pieces when things fall apart. My sister always asks how I can be like that and accept things whatever the outcome. I tell her I control me and I am just not the type of person that needs to be in control nor do I have to have the final say. Life is about so much more than having to be the person who is right. You can learn alot coming from a family of 8. (haha this is where the issues come from) Life is what we make it and at this point I am making it a healthy life inside and out!!!!

A big Thanks

A big thanks to Ann and her blog post about maintenance I think I may have had a revelation. I know there is a "maintenance" phase in the weight loss world, but what I didn't realize is that you could put yourself in that phase without really knowing you did it and before hitting your personal goals. You see I have been at the same weight give or take 5 pounds for the last couple of years. I workout at least 4 times a week and try to eat healthy. I don't count calories and I don't eat alot of fruits and veggies so healthy might not be the right word. It is more like " I watch what I eat". What I realized after reading Ann's post is that even though I am doing that, I am not working out hard enough or eating good enough to lose weight. I have had some really great workouts and some really great eating days, they are just not consistent enough to make me lose weight. What I started to think was "my body is at the weight it wants to be". Nothing seems to work. It is time for me to tell you that I need to revamp my workouts and start eating more "healthy" foods like fruits and vegetables and tracking what I eat so I can start seeing results.
"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment". Buddha

Raw emotions

Lately I have this cloud of emotions floating around that I don't know how to deal with. I am sad, upset, angry, overwhelmed, stressed, tired, and I lack motivation to do anything. Part of it stems from just getting back from Vegas, it was a great trip however I did not sleep well while we were gone then went back to work the next day. On Thursday before we flew out I found out that they would be having the burial for my sister in-law the following Tuesday. There was just no way for us to get off the plane Monday at 230 then drive for 8 hours to make it there. I am still so very sad I couldn't be there. The other part is work, family, my cousins cancer and even the weather. How do you re-motivate your self to get back on track when it feels like your world is spinning out of control?
'Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill.

Getting it off my chest

I feel I have a bunch of stuff to get off my chest so here goes. I had committed to doing Shred for 28 days, I managed to do 9 days in a row then took and unexpected weekend trip, then got sick, then never really got back on track, only doing Shred 3 more times. So 12 times in a 28 day period, not what I was hoping for. Trying to burn 1200 calories working out, complete fail, I honestly did not know that would be so hard. There was a time when I would do at least 1000 on the treadmill then hit the elliptical. My thinking then was "if I ate it, I had to burn the calories off". What happened to that mind set????? I got one run in outside, this weather needs to take a hike of it's own and move out of this area. We need sunshine. With that said that one run was "huge" for me, I hadn't run outside before. I am on week 4 of C25K, I program the intervals into my phone and then hit the music, it gives me a "buzzer" sound when it is time to switch intervals. With this said my 1st day of week 4 I just turned the timer on and didn't even look to see how long the running part was. BIG SURPRISE THERE!!! I kept thinking" when am I going to hear that stupid buzzer" I wanted to quit before the 5 minutes of running was up, and then a sweet voice popped in my head, it was Mariah, when she told her story she would tell herself, "I am unstoppable". Being inspired my Mariah, I said " Mariah is unstoppable, she can do this, I can to". So thank-you Mariah for helping me finish those intervals.

I have something that has really been weighing on my mind lately. Why do some people always have to be "one uppers"? When did my wanting to have a healthier life style and drop a few pounds turn into a competition for others? Why is what Iam doing so interesting to some? Obviously if I was so great at weight loss I would have it all figured out by now. Let me let you in on a little secret " I don't have it figured out, I don't know what I am doing and for the love of money this is not a COMPETITION!!! Ok, I feel better just had to get that off my chest!!

I have a co-worker who has lost about 70lbs since Jan 1st, today he jokingly offered to train me at the gym for $400.00, my training hours would be from 3:30AM-6:00AM and then again from 3:30pm-6:00pm. Yes, he is obsessed with working out right now, I politely declined his offer. I did tell him that I would like to try working out in the morning however I like to sleep more than I like to workout. I was told by someone else that once you get yourself vertical in the morning, your workout becomes 2nd nature, my co-worker said the same thing. What do you think about working out in the morning? I really do want to try it for me it would probably be from 4:45-6:00. I have to be to work by 7.

I am leaving for sunny Las Vegas on Friday and will be back on Monday. I won't be getting workouts in but I am guessing we will be doing alot of walking. I will be back at the gym on Wednesday completely re-freshed!!! Possibly Tuesday but I have a dentist appointment and I really, really hate the dentist, so we will have to see how that goes!!!!!!